Life and Times of Tekken
by mirrors of illusion
Summary: Totally random stories of Tekken. Today's chapter: Jin and some of the gang are making a commercial for the infamous 'Animal Crackers.' What havoc could ensue? Please R&R!
1. Tekken Interview

**Life and Times of Tekken**

Ch. 1: Tekken Interviews

**A/N:** I know I'm supposed to be working on "Killing Jin Kazama," but I just had this really crazy idea and just had to type it down before I forget. This is pretty random.

**Disclaimer**: No. I'll own it when Kunimitsu shows her face, which is just not gonna happen folks. Right?

**Random Reporter 1: **And here we are at the Who-knows-where auditorium!

**Random Reporter 2: **I have a very special report for you! I and two other very beautiful reporters—

**Random Reporter 3: **Stuff it, freak.

**Random Reporter 2: **We have teamed up to kidnap—

**Random Reporter 1: **Nice going idiot, now they now of our evil plans.

**Random Reporter 2: **—I mean convinced the members of the Golden Fist Contest—

**Random Reporter 1: **Its _Iron_ Fist_ Tournament_, moron!

**Random Reporter 3:** You're both wrong, _bakas!_ Sorry, that slipped out in Japanese. It's _King of _Iron Fists Tournament! Don't you people know anything?

**Random Reporter 2:** You're just saying that 'cause I'm Korean!

**Random Reporter 1:** It's 'cause I'm Philipino isn't? Well, excuse _me_!

**Random Reporter 3: **No, it's because I got stuck with you two morons!

**Random Reporter 1: **This is going no where. Ok, we have persuaded them to give us an exclusive interview.

**Random Reporter 2: **Then what are we waiting for?

**Random Reporter 3: **What did I do to get stuck with those morons?

—_Inside the auditorium—_

**Jin:** So this is what the heroes of the world have come to…giving pointless interviews with an annoying paparazzi.

**Kazuya:** Idiots, I would kill them…only if I felt like it. They better shut up, before my Devil slaughters them all.

**Lee:** How pathetic, you don't know the wrath of the fans, do you?

**Kazuya:** No, obviously. They can't be any harder to defeat then my old man.

**Jun:** Now, now you three. Be nice to those wonderful people.

**Asuka:** Yeah, wonderful _annoying _people.

**Jun:** That's it! All of you, no TV for a month!

**Jin and Asuka:** Awwwww…..

**Kazuya:** Nice job, morons.

**Lee:** Way to go, weirdo.

**Anna:** I supposed we should get this over with.

**Nina:** You're right for once.

**Hwoarang:** Ok, let's start with you in the back.

**Random Jin Fan:** OH MY GOD!!! JIN?! I LOVE YOU!!!! MARRY ME YOU SEXY BEAST!!! (faints, gets carted away)

**Hwoarang:** WHAT ABOUT ME?! I'M TWICE AS SEXY THEN THAT IDOIT!!

**Random Hwoarang Fan:** AHHHHHH!!!!! HHHWWWOOOAAARRRAAANNNGGG!!!!! GET OVER HERE AND KISS ME YOU SEXY—

**Hwoarang: **Never mind.

**Nina:** How about actual questions? How about you not in the back? (points to a random person in the front)

**Random Kazuya Fan:** Hey! Sexy! Over here! (Kazuya glances at the fanatic, fanatics faints, get carted off)

**Jun:** Kazuya Mishima! Look what you made her do! Go over there and apologize!

**Kazuya:** But, I can't help it! I'm just too damn sexy!

**Jun:** Now.

**Kazuya:** Yes ma'am.

**Lee Choalan:** Hey, you! (fangirl shrieks) Let's go out after this!

**Fan girl:** (Jumps up and down screaming her head off.)

**Anna:** (smacks Lee upside his head)

**Heihachi:** Sane questions please.

**Random Person:** I think there's a question that we're all probably dying to know.

**Hwoarang:** Spill it.

**The same random person:** Who's dating whom in your group? WE'RE ALL DYING TO KNOW!

—_awkward silence_—

**Jin:** You just _had _to encourage them, did you?

**Kazuya:** You know what, Jun? I'm just gonna go apologize to that girl, right now.

**Lee:** Stay, cone-head.

**Jin:** (smacks himself on the forehead) Why didn't I see this coming?

_What do you mean "who's dating whom???" it's perfectly clear! Steve and Lili of course!_

**Steve and Lili:** What?!

_What are you talking about?! It's sooo Lili and Hwoarang!_

**Hwoarang:** Eww…why stick me with a dumb blonde?

**Lili:** Who are you calling a dumb blonde, you moronic redhead?!

_You two are both wrong! Jin's gay! It's Jin and Hwoarang all the way!_ (Jin and Hwoarang gaped at each other in horror)

_Well, if Jin's gay, then it's Jin and Steve! (Steve glanced at Jin in a horrific way)_

_All you people are nuts! Jin's not gay, but its Kazuya and Lee! Look at the way Lee looks at him! (Kazuya turns green)_

_That's disgusting! They're related!_

_Kazuya and Jun!_

_No durr! They're the couple of the century!_

_Jun's supposed to be dead, it's Kazuya and Michelle from now on! (Jun looks insulted)_

_Everyone knows its Jin and Xiaoyu!_

**Xiaoyu:** Crud, I was hoping that I would stay out of this.

_But, Jin ignores her all the time! It's about time Xiaoyu forgets about Jin and should start dating Hwoarang!_

_They don't look good together!_

_Oh, for crying out loud, it's Christie and Eddy!_

_Pfft. They're pairing is so old._

_Nu-uh, Christie was a newbie two Tekkens ago!_

**Heihachi:** What about me?!

_Quiet old hag, no one likes you._

_I go with Lee and Hwoarang!_

_Omg! Have you actually seen them sleep together?!_

_What the hell do you mean?! Lee's like 20 years older than Hwoarang!_

_It's totally Jin and Julia!_

_They don't even know each other!_

_I say Nina and Anna! (the Williams sister looks utterly shocked)_

_Ugh! They're sisters for Pete's sake!_

_Well, I go with Asuka and Jin!_

_Hell no! No one's getting their hands on my Jinny! _(Jin turned pale at that nickname)

**Hwoarang:** We should leave while we still have our dignity.

**Jin:** Dude, dignity left a long time ago.

**Lee: **But I have to go out with that hot chick!

**Kazuya:** Never mind that, but we need to have a _serious _discussion about the way you've been looking at me.

(The Mishima Family, Nina's family, Lili, and Xiaoyu leaves the stage, leaving their dignity behind)

**That was just freakin' random. The one's who decided to not go to on the interviews were pretty damn lucky enough. The other characters will show up soon enough. Throughout this fanfiction, there will be random stories about random characters. You know what to do! R&R!!! And if I get enough, next chapter will be "The Adventures of Steve _Box_!!!!"**


	2. Animal Crackers

**Life and Times of Tekken**

**Disclaimer: Who do ya think I am, Heihachi?**

**A/N: Random, as usual. I got bored. Again. This is different from what I planned but…next chapter will be focused onto Kunimitsu, for some reason. There's not enough fanfics about her. I don't really expect reviews for this piece of crap. It's not that funny. Damn it! What happened to my pathetic humorous self!!! Blame it on the final I had for Spanish 1. I promise to make it up next chappie!**

Here's the thing, Jin, Julia and Asuka are making a commercial about animal crackers! With a little help from Jun, they put together a commercial. But, will it go as planned?

Julia: Ok, let's take it from the top!

Jun: Lights! Camera! Action!

**Commercial starts…**

Jin: So, you're vegetarian, uh?

Hwoarang: YOU SUCK!!!

Julia: Cut, cut! Shut up, Hwoarang! Huh, take 2.

**Again…**

Jin: So, you're a vegetarian, uh? So that means that you wouldn't want to eat any animals.

Hwoarang: BOO!!!

Julia: Cut!!! F#& off Hwoarang! Let the man do his job! Take 3.

**Sigh…**

Jin: So, you're a vegetarian, uh? So that means that you wouldn't want to eat any animals. But, would you want to eat an animal, 'figuratively'? Would you? Would you?!

Asuka: Well, look no further! 'Animal Crackers' is the snack for you.

Julia: Cut! Ok, on to scene two. And if you f anything up, you're dead.

Hwoarang: …

Julia: Ok. Scene 2, take one!

Jin: 'Animal Crackers' consists of 38 species.

Jin starts spilling the crackers all over the floor.

Asuka: Not just hen or ducks. (points at the labeled ducks and hens) But bats and polar bears. (points at them)

Jin: Even endangered animals that you wouldn't dream of eating. (points at tigers and panda crackers)

Jin and Asuka walks into a supermarket that's not from the set and sees a random woman. Jin walks up to her.

Jin: Hello miss, would you like to try some animal crackers?

Anna: No.

Asuka: We're paying you…

And so Anna decides to try out the infamous crackers.

Asuka: So, how you do like them?

Anna: They're disgusting!

Jin: Glad you liked it! Thank you for your time!

Anna holds the box with a disapproval look on her face. The camera focuses on her.

Asuka: Animal crackers are for vegetarians of tomorrow!

Jin: They are available in most virtual countries.

Asuka: So eat animal crackers, or f# you! (flicks the camera off)

Julia: Cut! Good job! Now we edit the parts out…take 5!

Jin: For what?

Julia: We may have to retake it. Since Roger's the cameraman, he may have made a few mistakes.

Jin: Oh…

Hwoarang: Hm…there's no way Jin's taking the spotlight.

The next day…

Jun: Hey, what happened to the crew?

Jun and Hwoarang looks around the room and found almost everyone missing.

Hwoarang: I don't know.

Jun: Did you edit the parts out?

Hwoarang: Yeah, got them.

Jun: Let's play it, shall we?

**And it plays…**

Instead of Jin…

Hwoarang: So, you're a vegetarian, uh?! It means that you wouldn't eat any animals. But, would you eat an animal…figuratively?! Would you? (the camera zooms into his face) WOULD YOU?!

Lili: Well, look no further! 'Animal Crackers' is the snack for you. (points at you)

Hwoarang: 'Animal Crackers' consists of 30 types of animal species.

Lili: -whispers- It's 38.

Hwoarang: Thirty, thirty-eight, whatever. Ok, where was I…oh yeah. Not just ducks and hens. (the camera zooms in to the ducks and hens crackers)

Lili: But bats and polar bears. (the camera focuses at the bat and polar crackers)

Hwoarang: Even some endangered species that you wouldn't think of eating! (camera focuses on the panda and tiger crackers)

Hwoarang and Lili walks into the same market and sees a random kid.

Hwoarang: Hello, miss.

Xiaoyu: DON'T YOU DARE RAPE ME!!!

Xiaoyu backslaps Hwoarang across the cheek and sprayed pepper spray at his eyes.

Hwoarang: Holy F!!! THAT BITCH!!! OH GOD!!! THE PAIN!!! IT BURNS!!!

Lili: Sigh…anyways, miss. Would you like to try some of our 'Animal Crackers'?

Xiaoyu: Sure! (eats all the crackers in the box)

Lili flips the box upside down. Empty.

Lili: Um…so how do you—

That sentence was interrupted by Hwoarang's girlish screams.

Hwoarang: OH GAWD, IT BURNS!!!

Lili: Quiet!

Xiaoyu: Yah! Shut it, perv!

Hwoarang: AAAAHHHH……

Lili: Sigh…so, how do you like it? Huh?

Xiaoyu runs off with Hwoarang's motorcycle with the 'Bryan' laugh. This 'cruel' act left Hwoarang blind, bike-less and a heavy pain in the crotch when Xiaoyu kicked him when she was trying to get the keys.

Lili: Sigh…ooh! Miss! Over here!

Nina: What do you want?

Lili: Will you try our animal crackers?

Nina: F&# you.

Lili: -whispers- stick to the script.

Hwoarang: AAAAAHHHHHH!

Lili: Please ignore him. So will you try our animal crackers?

Nina: No.

Nina eats one anyways and for what reason? That part's been edited out.

Lili: So, how do you like them?

Nina: They're disgus—

Lili: Glad ya like them! Thank you for joining us! Now, since that retarded redhead is busy, I'll say the lines for him. Ehem.

The camera focuses on impatient Nina, who's been forced to hold the cracker box as a model.

Lili: 'Animal crackers' is for the vegetarians of tomorrow! They are available in virtual stores everywhere. So buy some animal crackers or F&# you!!!

Hwoarang: D-don't…forget…to…f-flick…them...off…

Hwoarang then collapsed. Nina stole his wallet and runs off. Along the way, she muttered something about saving money to buy the latest model of a sniper rifles.

Lili: Fine… (flicks)

End of the clip

Jun: Uh…not what I expected….but…it'll do. Ok, let's mail this to Hollywood!!!

Hwoarang: Ok…then… (shift eyes)

**Flashback…**

Jin: Ur…whatcha doing?

Hwoarang: Nothing.

Jin: But, you're tying me up. With cheap ropes.

Hwoarang: I know.

After Hwoarang finished tying the ropes, he shoves him into a closet.

Hwoarang: And you go in there.

Jin: How long do I sit in here?

Hwoarang: Until I come back. Eventually. (shuts door)

And Hwoarang turned around and faces Asuka.

Asuka: Why are you tying me up against my own will?

Hwoarang: To take over the world.

Asuka: Oh. Wait, what?!

Hwoarang: And you go in here. (shoves Asuka under the bed)

Asuka: Red-headed moron. I'll get you!!!

Hwoarang: Ok, I got Jin, Asuka, and Julia. I think I'm missing someone…but whatever. I wonder who it is?

Later in the middle of the night…

Lili: You better have a good reason for making me stand up like this.

Hwoarang: I don't. Now read theses lines, and you'll get paid.

Lili: Whatever.

End of Flashbacks…

Somewhere out there…

Asuka: You got any Jacks?

Jin: Go fish.

Julia: Yeah right. You do have one!

Jin: No, I don't.

Asuka: You cheater.

Julia: This is probably why he won those other games. Get him!!!

Jin: NOOOO!!!! You can't cheat at 'speed' anyways.

Asuka: True. But I'll just do it for the heck of it.

Jin: Oh. NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

And is you can see, Jin, Julia, and Asuka have managed to break out of those cheap ropes. However, Hwoarang snuck in a powder to erase the memory about the commercial, somhow.

Julia: I found the Jack!

Asuka: Yay! I win!

**Pointless? I know. I wanted to make it longer, but I couldn't for really pathetic reasons. Please R&R when you leave. Comments are highly welcome and the flame…don't make it to harsh. I'm really sensitive. I got the commercial idea from this thing I saw on youtube . com. For Final Fantasy lovers, type in 'College Saga' in the search box. I know I said this on my profile…but…you should really watch it. You should see it whether you know Final Fantasy or not. But if you do, make sure you watch it in parts. If you just want to see the commercial part, just type in 'College Saga Part 4.'**


End file.
